Sex Manual for Celibates: Confessions of a Dud Root

If you don’t know already – the real sex organs are not available from Hammond? And touch without contact ain’t worth the time and effort. Oh sure I know what goes where and why. I know that the horizontal Tango might best be described thus: the position ridiculous, the pleasure fleeting – the effect eternal

Nature did not endow me with all the ‘attributes’ required to become contemporary Lothario:  I don’t buckle my swash like Errol Flynn or leave starry eyed nymphs in my wake like Mick Jagger. Nature is clever though and in command: what is missing in one department is made up for in another. I was imbued with the heart and soul of the poet (for proof of this claim see the poem below), but nature also has a wonderful sense of humour and made sure I would be void of the accoutrement that would ensure that the flames of desire as fanned by the beautiful words would never deliver the promises these words intimated Ah! Beauty and the Beast – Ha the joke is surely on us. Bad luck for me that all my past lovers had neither sense of humour or patience. I was always kicked to curb with a cupla black eyes and emotional scarring for good measure: accused of withholding….. silly girls  oh ye of little faith – in a world of instant gratification – ye should’ve waited a bit longer and nurtured the Beast. As I began to recognise my own (possibly exaggerated) susceptibility to the need for intimate physical embrace and saw the negative impacts upon my loved ones so I deliberately withdrew from any further involvement – fortunately for me – I know how to wait and while I waited I sought some answers on what makes a sweet guy turn so mean and why I was never likely to deliver the goods. One accurate and applicable depiction of the underlying reasons that had me behave in a particular way are available via the exchange/dialogue from the movie Analyse This where the De Nero gangster character informs the shrink character played by Billy Crystal that he pays ‘working girls’ for pleasures of the flesh where the Billy Crystal shrink character says Why can’t you do these (types of things) with your wife? To which the De Nero character replies Hey, that’s the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy? This mindset is the crux of the matter – rooted deep into the psyche of most western males: and as a result the requirement to consecrate intimate relations with chosen adult partners was doomed: destined to go begging. For as the movie script suggests how could you do those dirty things to your wife – the (potential) mother of your (future) children? And of course also reveals why the hot blooded/bodied women who are themselves craving contact would shoot me and throw me under the bus – not necessarily in that order? So in the final wash-up the results indicate that there a myriad of emotional and psychological parts of the whole affected by this one aspect: far too many to be detailed in this little essay. Suffice to say that the good news is that there is a knowing available – that there is an aspect of the self – the very core of who we are – that is insatiable. It matters little what we have or what we get or what we don’t get or have: when it comes to trying to satisfy of our constant craving: this is the design. We are supposed to crave and we are supposed to acknowledge the craving BUT we also have to understand that attempting to fill the void by using earthly resources will never provide the satisfaction that comes by way of Mum’s lamb roast.

The last time I was involved in the horizontal tango it was one of those occasions where self-gratification was the only goal and as the awareness of this dawned it led to making a conscious choice regarding the ‘S’ word and how to proceed into an authentic expression of the carnal self and the conscious use of libido. One cannot afford the denial of this vast energy source, to do so is at the peril of the whole self: one risks becoming like the religious zealot where the power of carnal instinct overrides the sense of morality – look out choir boys.

The astronomer Charles Kowal was gazing up into the night sky as was his usual want on the eve of November 1 1977 and lo and behold notices a heavenly body zinging through the darkness. Is it a bird, a plane – no it’s (super) Chiron –and suddenly the inhabitants of planet earth were given access to the wounded healer archetype. Chiron was discovered – by earthlings – in 1977 the same year I was introduced to my own version of the Wounded Healer. This introduction arrived via ‘Contact’ with the incurable – an STD – one that cannot be treated by any known means – it is therefore an absolute real example of the quintessential wound that cannot be healed.  Like everything though – there is a positive to the negative –the incurable becomes the great teacher. The qualities within it include – that just like Chiron’s malady/wound it cannot be ‘cured’ and therefore cannot be ignored. So ‘alive’ is it that it interferes with my preferred/chosen hedonistic lifestyle, causes a rethink and demands a different approach. We might have to give our Hero Chiron a different title: rather than call him the Wounded Healer we might have to call him the Wounded Teacher because the idea of healing denotes movement towards a completion or of curing where there is no cure available. This would seem to be a less than satisfactory idea but in truth it is the most wonderful notion. As mentioned in an earlier Blog post regarding ‘Enlightenment’ many of us are on the quest to achieve the sacred state of mind and the attached magical result: i.e. never again having to deal with the problems of our humanness. These two goals: the Healing journey and the quest for spiritual enlightenment are bogus phantoms – a mistake. This does not mean that the two states are not available it simply means that the two are one: they are the same thing – and that they need to be sought AND experienced day in day out, moment to moment – one breath at a time. This also doesn’t mean to cease the quest – in fact quite the opposite. The quest is now ON in earnest AND the challenges are even more intensive. Anyone who has attempted to sit still will already know this. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t seek closeness with other humans: again it means that by keeping the priority of filling one’s own plate first (with Mum’s lamb roast) will supply even more capacity for loving because you don’t need someone to complete you. This is not a lecture by someone who ‘has made it’ – yes I have been enlightened but let’s get rid of the notion that this is a permanent fixture. I have been seduced by desire time and time again (see poem) and look forward to the opportunity to be so again. The difference is that if I fill my plate there is not the dependence and expectation for a transient experience to fulfil me or my life purpose. Phew! I sure am relieved and the pressure is off, I can quite happily admit that I am a dud root – no not the captain of the English cricket team? But I no longer have to be world’s greatest lover or even any good in the sack – plus I once overheard one of my previous girlfriends telling someone that until you have had sex under the influence of cocaine well ya just have never had sex! No chance then Haha. I’m so happy to know that everything will never be enough that even those with endless resources still can’t fill the void. Yeah sure they say it is a lot of fun trying but if you have ever really connected with someone simply – by being present all the positions and paraphernalia don’t get close to this level of contact.

In the not too distant future there will be androids designed and created specifically to sate the carnal appetites of the humans: what then? When the ‘average Joe/Joanne’ gets to treat a soft bodied machine in the same fashion as the wealthy do now with real children: i.e. without morals and free of consequence – like Jeffrey Epstein and his rich cronies. Robot sex is more of the same – like inflatable dolls and dildos they might look shiny and new but still fake. Yes sure having access to a ‘supplicant’ might ease or dissolve many of the current ‘relationship’ issues but how does this counterfeit replacement therapy support the need for the REAL sweet embrace founded upon personal evolution via the requirement for contact with self, responsibility and accountability? Sorry folks – as the man says – Sex is great, Sex is fantastic –BUT there is nothing like the real thing………..

              Anticipation and Le Petite Mort an Ode to the Real Thing

  And what of now

  How can now be both separate and shared

  Reliant upon experience prior for its present place

  For only in being separate could I contact

  Such exquisite agony

  Awaiting the company of beckoned lover

  There did I see time eternal

  Between the hearing of footfall in approach

  And the ecstasy of touch, of embrace

  And what is lost in separation is also found

  Memories of union, moments of glory shared

  Where reality comes into being through consensus

  Gazing into lovers eyes

  Each becomes witness for the other

  Aware of no other event save for the arrival of colours, sounds, flavour

  A shared description of two souls

  Prisms infused spectrums of light – of love

  But also wherein the ‘little death’

  Makes such description so historical, so unreliable, so bland

  Maybe there is grief

  A deeper past perhaps resides

  A space wherein such heavenly thoughts cannot reach

  Where interfering voice declares

  Past is not past – done is not done

  And yet beyond all; the separate, the shared and history’s voice

  The moment is – now

  How much more contemporary can it be?

  And when you look inside yourself

  To feel bodies memory of desire

  Is not eternity present?

  And is not the ruling presence desire pure

  Where untainted, unfettered and unaltered by mere thought

  Becomes both motivation and result

  Alone with my longing but not lonely

                                   And Still in motion…………..